So this is what happens when you combine boredom with a bizarre sort of intellectual challenge. I don’t know if I should be proud or ashamed that I came up with all of these on my own, but it was an intellectual victory at the very least!
So here they are, some spectacularly terrible backpacker pickup lines, going from modest and charming to horrifically depraved. And no, I have never, and likely will never, employ any of these. Enjoy!
Level 1: Beginner (Group tour in Western Europe)
1. There’s no such thing as a lonely planet when you’re around.
2. I’d like to go for a walking tour of your heart.
3. How does one get visa approval to visit you?
4. I don’t want to visit the touristy places. Wherever you go is beautiful enough for me.
5. I’d cuddle you all morning, checkout times be damned.
6. You might just have what it takes to turn this nomad into a Bedouin.
7. Looks like I won’t have to leave the hostel to sightsee.
8. What do you recommend if I only have 24 hours to spend in the city…with you?
Level 2: Intermediate (Buddy travel through Southeast Asia)
10. You just went straight to the top of my bucket list.
11. Good thing I’ve got travel insurance, ’cause things are about to get wild.
12. I’d love to share a bed and breakfast with you.
13. Down for a little adventure?
14. I speak only _______, but I know the language of love.
15. I’d put a pin where I want to go, but I don’t want to poke you.
16. There’s one thing I pack that isn’t travel size. Wanna see?
17. You’ve sparked my wanderlust. Plus another kind.
18. I’d like to surf a lot more than just your couch.
19. See if you can find my money belt.
20. I brought extra earplugs. For the other dorm room guests.
Level 3: Advanced (Solo hitchhiking through Central Asia)
22. How many rewards points do I need for a night with you?
23. Looks like I’ll be adding an extra flag to my pack tonight. No, they’re not for countries.
24. I’d like to call you in for a little “room service.”
25. I’d like a private tour of your catacombs.
26. Are you a Eurail Pass? ‘Cause I’d like to take a ride with you.
Bonus Level: Region-specific dorky puns
28. I’d like Tikal you my own.
29. I’d Louvre to take you out sometime.
30. I’d love to show you a little Rome-ance.
31. I’ve been Czeching you out, and you look Nice.
32. I’d like to explore your Netherlands.
33. Wat a pleasant surprise.
34. Yeah, you’re gonna love Big Ben. Oh wait, you mean the clock.
35. I’d like to pay a visit to your “Forbidden City.”
That’s all for now! Go try ’em out and then report back to let everyone know how it went. Good luck!