36 awesomely awful backpacker pickup lines

Backpacker pickup lines

So this is what happens when you combine boredom with a bizarre sort of intellectual challenge. I don’t know if I should be proud or ashamed that I came up with all of these on my own, but it was an intellectual victory at the very least!

So here they are, some spectacularly terrible backpacker pickup lines, going from modest and charming to horrifically depraved. And no, I have never, and likely will never, employ any of these. Enjoy!

Level 1: Beginner (Group tour in Western Europe)

1. There’s no such thing as a lonely planet when you’re around.

2. I’d like to go for a walking tour of your heart.

3. How does one get visa approval to visit you?

4. I don’t want to visit the touristy places. Wherever you go is beautiful enough for me.

5. I’d cuddle you all morning, checkout times be damned.

6. You might just have what it takes to turn this nomad into a Bedouin.

7. Looks like I won’t have to leave the hostel to sightsee.

8. What do you recommend if I only have 24 hours to spend in the city…with you?

9:

Flirtatious statue, Croatia
His rock-hard abs are no metaphor.

Level 2: Intermediate (Buddy travel through Southeast Asia)

10. You just went straight to the top of my bucket list.

11. Good thing I’ve got travel insurance, ’cause things are about to get wild.

12. I’d love to share a bed and breakfast with you.

13. Down for a little adventure?

14. I speak only _______, but I know the language of love.

15. I’d put a pin where I want to go, but I don’t want to poke you.

16. There’s one thing I pack that isn’t travel size. Wanna see?

17. You’ve sparked my wanderlust. Plus another kind.

18. I’d like to surf a lot more than just your couch.

19. See if you can find my money belt.

20. I brought extra earplugs. For the other dorm room guests.

21:

Tattoo advertisement, Croatia
Yes, this was a real thing.

Level 3: Advanced (Solo hitchhiking through Central Asia)

22. How many rewards points do I need for a night with you?

23. Looks like I’ll be adding an extra flag to my pack tonight. No, they’re not for countries.

24. I’d like to call you in for a little “room service.”

25. I’d like a private tour of your catacombs.

26. Are you a Eurail Pass? ‘Cause I’d like to take a ride with you.

27:

Flirtatious Pushkin, St. Petersburg, Russia
Pushkin is a true poet.

Bonus Level: Region-specific dorky puns

28. I’d like Tikal you my own.

29. I’d Louvre to take you out sometime.

30. I’d love to show you a little Rome-ance.

31. I’ve been Czeching you out, and you look Nice.

32. I’d like to explore your Netherlands.

33. Wat a pleasant surprise.

34. Yeah, you’re gonna love Big Ben. Oh wait, you mean the clock.

35. I’d like to pay a visit to your “Forbidden City.”

36:

Flirtatious swordsman
I mean, it’s kind of a compliment, right?

That’s all for now! Go try ’em out and then report back to let everyone know how it went. Good luck!

About SnarkyNomad

Eytan is a pretentious English major whose rant-laden sarcastic tirades occasionally include budget travel tips and other international nonsense. You can follow his every narcissistic word on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+.

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23 Comments on “36 awesomely awful backpacker pickup lines”

  1. Ok, now you have to go forth and test out every single one of them. I must say, a bunch of them had me smiling or chuckling :) Esp bc I had never, EVER been on the receiving end of a cheesy pick-up line in my life.

  2. So bad! My fave is I’d like to go for a walking tour of your heart. You need to include some of the lines other people use. In Turkey ALL the men said:

    “Does your daddy own a Candy shop? You are so sweet…”

    I recommend using actions instead of words – in a dorm situation just get into their bed pretending you got the wrong one and see what happens…

    1. Actually, that exact thing happened to me, or to other people, quite a few times on my trips. A guy snuck into a girl’s bed, because he was in that same bed, but one floor above. Once a guy took my bed, and I had to sleep on the inflatable mattress that was luckily there too. And once there was some girl taking a nap in my bed, but she apparently left before I came back. So I bet “whoops, this dorm bed was yours?” has been used many times. Probably quite successfully as well.

  3. Oooh, you. These are wonderful. The art of skillfully executing cheesy pickup lines is an underrated skill set. Unfortunately, whenever I whip out some cheesy lines, dudes and ladies alike think I’m serious. Apparently my ridiculousness is really convincing…

      1. At the very least, it’s FAR more enjoyable than not being ridiculous ;-) Thankfully, it’s fairly easy to find kindred spirits on the road. Though, I must say, “snarky” is in far too short of a supply.

  4. These are amazing. The best part is that some poor guy about to embark on his gap year to Thailand is inevitably going to print these out and employ them professionally throughout his days as a backpacker. I hope I run into that guy some day so I can say, “No, I DON’T want to find your money belt, and you got that from Snarky Nomad!”

    1. I met someone who just suggested backpackers should have name tags and business cards just to explain those first few questions; names, nationality, general trip plans, and things like that.

  5. Love the list! Will definitely have to try a few of these out. I see some of them going over quite well I think.

    Fav: “11. Good thing I’ve got travel insurance, ’cause things are about to get wild.”

    hmmm… now I should probably go get some of this ‘travel insurance’ before I try some of these.

  6. Haha, I think you nailed. I am big fan of pickup lines and these are awesome, they made me laugh! :) Thanks for putting this together and now I go out and try this “There’s no such thing as a lonely planet when you’re around.” haha…(just kidding)

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